Half-Sleeps

The repose of sleep refreshes only the body. It rarely sets the soul at rest. The repose of the night does not belong to us. It is not the possession of our being. Sleep opens within us an inn for phantoms. In the morning we must sweep out the shadows. (Gaston Bachelard)

Years back, when I looked into a mirror I loved the glint in my eyes. Now, it's a daily morning battle to even just take a peek of myself --- dull eyes, swelling lids, creepy shadows --- and oh yes, these scary eye bags that resemble my uncle's bulging belt bag. Vanity led me straight to dermatologist Dr. Sidney's clinic, where I fell off the couch and almost broke a limb after learning how much his consultation fee was. For all my money's (and limb's) worth, I got nothing sensible, except for this piece of advice: have a quality sleep.

Quality sleep, huh? It is supposed to be a sound, peaceful sleep for eight straight hours. Whaaaaattt -- you gotta be kidding! Is there anyone of my age these days that get that kind of quality sleep??? I have to travel hours to the office, spend over eight hours at the office, another two hours' travel time to get home -- and oh wait -- I haven't had dinner, watched TV, done my son's homework. And where do I fit my social life in???

And so the eyebag problem turned into a sleep problem... And I'm writing this because it's been four months since and still I haven't gotten a single quality sleep. Just last night I was once again tossing and turning in my bed --- and just when I'm about to drift off to tranquility, the darned alarm goes off (my alert sound, DJ Unk's Two Step remix, never fails to jerk my head off my pillow).

Guess my mind is too full of cobwebs, and the spideys walk on these cobwebs while I'm trying to sleep. But how, just how do I sweep them off my sleeping mind? Rather than count sheep (or imaginary gold coins), maybe I should count the little spideys in my mind and give each one a face or a tag. Funny, now that I think of it. :)

It's so easy to kid around, but seriously, I think it's only when we're asleep that the ghosts of the subconscious get activated. The things or issues that we refuse to deal with while we're awake are pushed further down the recesses of our brain ... hiding ... waiting for darkness to come. While we seek refuge in sleep, those unrecognized issues surface, begging us to pay attention to them. And we either keep on continually ignoring and kicking them away or have the courage to face them... Only when we are able to make peace with these "cobwebs" can we get that seemingly unattainable "quality sleep".

Oh well, it would take me a while to get full deep sleeps. Unless I wear myself out before going to bed. :D Maybe I should do sit-ups, or read a very boring IT magazine... or, heck ... it doesn't really matter. What's important is waking up with a smile in the morning and feel okay for the rest of the day, not letting the phantoms of the subconscious affect the conscious...